Today I won’t even analyze this place and its people with more layers than photoshop, more insecurities than a person who believes in two sparrows for joy (shit thats me), or with quadruple relationships or five better halves every year or who seek more attention than a peacock.
I miss playing with eight month old Sarthak, the son of our night duty lady guard, who seems to have been given a duty in some remote part of this campus. I like the workers children here. My long walks in the evening allow me to think randomly and sometimes of things that I’m scared to think of..or don’t want to face. Though still apprehensive of walking alone beyond certain dark curvy roads uphill, I think I’ve been brave enough to walk alone, something I hated doing, not because I was scared..but because I always needed company..to talk or to walk with (I have no idea why). But now its me and music..which is good. Not being lost but losing myself and coming back. I’m not scared of the random dogs anymore (ok maybe a little bit). I only wish I had an Ipod with some five thousand songs maybe…yes geebs i still would prefer an ipod to your yucky zune.
I believe I can have the time of my life if I want to, only I’ve to keep reminding myself of that. Still have certain silly Monica-ish habits, which I think is good, but gets annoying when..I end up voluntarily becoming Monica. Ok I dont know what I’m saying. My life is getting into a routine which needs just some more push. Just some more.
I have like 5 books to read. and some pdf’s and ebooks. I want to smell the sea. and the sand. and some candy and corn..and some hunks maybe 😛
Contentment. We’ll never reach there..until we have grandchildren maybe.
I want to paint!