Shtraightt from theh heart.

Haven’t written anything constructive in such a long time, I almost feel that I’ve forgotten how to type long paragraphs. For some strange reason, I feel quite taken aback when people ask me about "my writing". There was no major writing, was there? I mean writing was an much as what IcyNidhi would write, or GB (whatever is ur latest nickname) would, or Mnaz, or anyone else would write. Couple of paragraphs, some thoughts, some humor, an incident, an occasional tag, but mostly – personal opinions.

I used to a very vocal person, pretty much blunt. Still am. Impatience and short temper follow me around too (mostly in my head, the former spills out more often though). With time I realized that its not a smart thing to be very vocal about your personal opinions. One has to fine tune it based on the situation. Slowly that feeling crept on while I was writing as well. I became conscious of the fact that people would be reading me and judging me on the basis of what I wrote. That started preventing me from writing stuff on my mind. It never occurred to me that maybe I can fine tune what I write. I mostly read my own post twice before posting, the last for minor spelling errors or the sort. I’ve somehow always never preferred blanketing things or sugar coating them. Write it as it is, Click it as it is. If its fine tuned, made politically correct, reworked upon,  photoshopped around or post processed around then its not how its meant to be. Not straight from the heart. Not raw and true. 
Yeah. Silly I know. Because some people take pride, and have mastered layering things well. Presenting them. Working upon them. Dedicatedly. Maybe I’d do it too someday, maybe I still do it without realizing it. I’m still not comfortable having everybody read this blog. Half of my friends don’t have access to it/don’t know about it. Make that more than half. Maybe I’m still not ready to extend my comfort zone, or be what I am and be known for it. Mighty slow a process in my case I guess. Almost 5-6 yr old blog. It still matters to me in some ways. Yes there have been months where I haven’t written anything that matters, but somehow I’ve always checked up on it once in a week or so. And I shall continue to do so.
Afterall, Spaces is technically one of my first web babies. The other is a bsnl website i created when I was 15..and well..i cant seem to find the link for it now 😦
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3 thoughts on “Shtraightt from theh heart.

  1. yeah.. come to the league babes! I guess most of us somehow stopped writing, coz we are afraid people reading them knows us and will "judge" us with that. Even if they wrongly interpret what we have expressed. Yet this was supposed to be where you can pour your heart out. Hence most left, and some like me just hibernated – waited till those judgemental ones got bored waiting and left. Once again very few comes to mine to read, and I know no one will be judging me any more.. so I write.. So I guess you will write again..Let those be damned who wanna judge you. At least at some sacred personal place (or space!) we have right to be ourselves! May god give you power to write your heart out once more !

  2. OK most of what you have written here especially the last part (not having friends reading the space thing) is kind of what I am going through also ! But I don\’t think for the same reasons… I am " And I think I will always be" someone who says what she thinks and I MADE PEACE with it I even kind like it now… I don\’t want to change … don\’t want to fight it.. I am just praying that in sha Allah I will not get (severely) hurt because of it ! I don\’t care what others will say about me! Ok no i care but it doesn\’t stop me it just bothers me a little.Ok now the reason why I don\’t actually link my space to my facebook or make it known to my friends ( not my best friends since they already know that it exists) is that I feel ashamed ! I Hate what I write when I read it after awhile and sometimes I really feel like deleting every thing but I stop myself by telling myself ( you are not a writer or anything) you just write !I really really miss reading you .. you make me feel like aaah you know someone thinks the same way I think even when we don\’t agree or reach the same conclusions … it is the process that we go through to reach our thoughts Hugs and kisses <3p.sSo what let them judge you … isn\’t that what ppl do all the time … since you can\’t stop them … just do what you think is right and write without offending anybody ( you can do that sometimes 🙂 when they are really really bad ppl ) … but don\’t stop writing.

  3. since the philosophy has been tackled, i ll do what i did best.. be a dog and take a piss :Pu shud\’ve done a sentence/missed-word check in addition to a spell-check 😀

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