knotted stomach happy birthday.

If I ever had to write a happy birthday note to myself..I’d just not know what to say.

damn. I’ve been blogging for 5 years and I don’t know what to write in here.

I no longer know..how much to talk or how little to cut back on.

Silence.

I took a gamble off late. Well not exactly a gamble, but undertook something that I was curious about, though don’t quite believe in. I tried out a new form of meditation/breathing exercise – if I may call it. Now let me begin by telling you that I look at meditation as something almost as close to God – unattainable, invisible, dubiously doubtful and probably very strong. So I got into it, tried some of their breathing techniques, learnt to shut my eyes and kick away every other thought, learnt to relax – or atleast tried to. It took some effort, a lot of nodding and prodding. The result was slow, slightly calming and I’d say – not completely ineffective. And then came the commitment bit. One which every man slays. Once every day – takes half an hour of your day. 

Now, I did take lessons from the exercise – personal lessons. Some were predeveloped earlier, some were tweaked and sharpened through the exercise. And some, I probably still am ignorant about. Having zero expectations helped. I’m still not a committed girl though. Somehow taking the lesson seemed easier than following the regime. Maybe I’d turn into an ubercool zen chick if I follow it. Maybe I’d lose my head or follow mystic saints to the path of enlightenment and utmost nirvana. Or maybe I’d be just fine – with or without it. (There I’ve covered all options) A small bit of mystery though – How much did it help?

Wow, should there be a research on this or what?!

–

I abso-fuckinglutely hate it when numbness takes over.

2 am rants

It was good to be in love with the self.

And then blogging time was cut short by the blink of an eyelid that drooped to kiss the puffy petals of the under eye goodnight.